Chassidic groom, YU-grad-student-in-Talmud bride
Congratulations to Chana and her Chassid on their engagement.
Wow, and I thought ours was a mixed marriage, of sorts. Half the fun of this upcoming marriage is going to be deciding in accordance with which haskafah/religious perspective--"All Torah, all the time" or "college, including graduate school"--to educate their children.
Wow, and I thought ours was a mixed marriage, of sorts. Half the fun of this upcoming marriage is going to be deciding in accordance with which haskafah/religious perspective--"All Torah, all the time" or "college, including graduate school"--to educate their children.
posted by Shira Salamone at 5:52 PM
8 Comments:
It is going to be a wild ride. I wish them the best.
I hope it's reasonable to assume that the groom belongs to a Chassidic group that doesn't oppose college attendance. Even so, it does appear that the couple is in for a real roller-coaster ride. I wish them a happy life together.
amen, Shira. And not to detract from their happiness, but I often wonder whether the happy couples realize how important it is to be on the same page. Will they live in Boro Park where she will stand out if not dressed as a typical hasidic woman, not to mention as a graduate student, in Talmud, no less? What about when it's time for their kids to go to school? I'm Mod Orth, grew up not religious (public school, yo) and cringe at some of the things that happen in my kids' quite excellent day school, because it's not as good as my public school ed was. (It's better in many other aspects, but it lacks in music and the arts. Then again, I went to school in the golden age of public ed, the '80s!)
I wish them much mazal, but they are going to be in for a wild, wild ride.
I'm concerned that Chana may find herself in the same fish-out-of-water position that semi-retired blogger Mark/PT discussed in this guest post on DB’s blog.
“ . . . inwardly I find myself sinking into an abyss of guilt and self-loathing. I lose my grip on my upbringing. I find myself clinging to minhagim and halachot for which I can no longer locate a source or authority.”
That can happen when you've been educated in the Modern Orthodox world, but your current neighborhood and rabbi are Chareidi, which may very well be the situation in which Chana will be, in a few years.
I'm even more concerned about the children with which I hope the bride and groom will be blessed. Chana herself experienced the challenge of being a Modern Orthodox girl in a Chareidi high school, and did not escape unscathed. I can only hope that she'll be able to protect her children from what she went through.
"I often wonder whether the happy couples realize how important it is to be on the same page." Been there, done that, JDub, and I can tell you that such a "mixed marriage" is a challenge. But I think the differences between Chareidim and Modern Orthodox may be even more radical. What happens to the husband and wife with radically different opinions on what constitutes the appropriate way to educate their children?
Chana's article seems to show that she believes her husband in an MO in Chassid's levush, albeit one who wants to stay within his birth community. My concern is that Chana, AFAIK, wants to be an MO in MO clothing. She may find that difficult if they decide to live in a Charedi environment; he may find an MO community lacking in some of the things he takes for granted if they decide to live in an MO area.
I think they'd do best in Highland Park, of course. :>) She can go to Ahavas Achim and he can hang out at the Bostoner shteible.
Or they could live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, where she could go to Ramath Orah (on West 110th St. just east of Broadway) and he could go to that shtieble on West 100th St. near Riverside Dr. :)
Larry:
That's my point exactly. She thinks he's an MO in a bekkeshe, but what happens should he turn out to be a chasid in a bekkeshe? People get very funny when they have kids, particularly if they are living in his home community.
I'm surprised Ramath Orah is still around. It was struggling when I used to go there in the 1990s. Do you live near there Shira?
"She thinks he's an MO in a bekkeshe, but what happens should he turn out to be a chasid in a bekkeshe? People get very funny when they have kids, particularly if they are living in his home community."
That's my main concern. He may not object to *her* being Modern Orthodox, but he may think twice about whether he wants *their kids* to be raised that way.
"Do you live near there Shira?"
I wish. :( We can't afford to live in Manhattan.
Post a Comment
<< Home